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Husband says he wants a divorce but is OK with living together?

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Me and my husband were fighting a lot and he finally decided he was done with the marriage and that there is no fixing it for him and he will not change his mind because every time he comes back we fight more. Him and I are pretty unhealthy people emotionally and he says he doesn t want us to destroy each other anymore and that he wants me to be happy and that he still loves me and that is why he is divorcing me. I understand this now that I am calm but it took me several weeks to reach this point of not having meltdowns or begging him to change his mind and work on us. I had an abortion a week ago because he was very insistent that he would not change his mind about the divorce and it broke both of our hearts because I know that we both really wanted to keep the baby. I made the hardest choice I ever had to make myself by getting rid of that pregnancy but I just couldn t see myself ever moving on from him or getting healthy and fixing my problems if I had another kid to take care of. He says he still wants to live together and when I ve asked if he would prefer that I leave he said no. I just don t understand this because for him to say he won t change his mind even though he knew that I would go through with the abortion that is how I know he is serious about divorce. So why did he say I didn t have to leave when I asked him what he would prefer?

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asked Aug 1, 2017 in Family and Relationships by HELPME

3 Answers

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If he wants you to be happy, how does he expect you will be happy whilst divorced and still living together? Wise up - he's selfish, and wants you around on HIS terms, without any of the commitment and obligation.
answered Aug 1, 2017 by Helen
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"So why did he say I didn t have to leave when I asked him what he would prefer?" - Per your other post about this, I believe you said it was because he wanted to help you out until you could financially support yourself ("He said I can live with him after the divorce until I can financially support myself"). Clearly he doesn't want to be ugly to you, he just doesn't desire to be married to you any longer. Understand that if you two remained living together after the divorce, you'd both be dealing with seeing each other dating other people and having separate social lives. That might not be conducive to healing from the end of your marriage.

Also, you might not have to leave the home at all. The judge may decide he needs to leave (unless you agree to leave at some point). You both have rights to the marital home, so you aren't obligated to leave at any point, unless you want to OR a judge orders you to. Same goes for your husband.
answered Aug 1, 2017 by Tara
0 votes
Q: So why did he say I didn t have to leave when I asked him what he would prefer?

A: I can see that one of the reasons for the demise of your marriage was a lack of communication. I've been married for 31 years, so I know this to be true: when you want to understand why your spouse said something, the thing to do is to ASK your spouse why.
answered Aug 1, 2017 by Pick This
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